Telling your partner that you really need to focus on work for three days should not be a big deal (barring really big exacerbating circumstancesI need to focus on work, so Im skipping your mothers funeral, have fun! would be much more fraught, of course). Ultimately, a relationship cannot survive without trust. I mean seriously? If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. If your classes are in the evening then change your major. mmmmmmm..yeah. I agree. We split it into 3 traveling days both directions so it would be 6 hours and we are estimating 8 hour days, but know it could be longer. If it's something you really want to do, then I'm sure you can make it work, but it won't be easy. Ignore your phone for the rest of the trip, do not let him pester you or hog time soothing him when you should be doing work stuff. Scheduled calls keep him more relaxed. I tell him that if he was in my shoes, I would be supportive. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. 6. Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. You bet a quarter, watch and yell at the fake horses running around in a circle, bet another quarter, repeat. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. Pretty much. One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. Very few of these trips ends up involving much fun at all. I wanted to get tickets for a show, but it was sold out. These are normal things that a lot of people encounter at some point; if your relationship as it currently stands doesnt have room to address them, its past time to get some help to straighten it out. Yes, you can absolutely get yourself in serious trouble in Vegas but you can also have the most dull weekend imaginable. Exactly. Best of luck on your issues, and I hope you get the resolution youre seeking! Sure, but then the question would be my boss wants me to go on a business trip but I have a new baby/my spouses parent is seriously ill/my house just flooded and I need to deal with insurance/whatever, how should I ask my boss if I can get out of it. I did a similar trip after I had my second but I did it different than everyone else. Youve never met them, but that doesnt mean that they dont exist. Like Winter says . Is this a relationship problem that could be remedied with counseling? Forbidding is a different story). This is a question for a marriage counselor and/or individual therapist. A dancer charged a bunch of stuff on my credit card. (sees where incident happened) Or maybe, you bought 10 bottles of Cristal for strippers and then panicked when your accounting department asked for a receipt? Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) Having just returned from an exhausting but informative 3-day event in Las Vegas let me assure you when youre at the conference center/hotels there is security up the wahzoo and those folks are awesome. Im not going to be lured into seedy underworld just because its there! In a healthy marriage, there is no spouse v. spouse, and theres room for career, hobbies, friends, etc. There is plenty to do in Las Vegas that has nothing to do with sin and can be done in any big city (restaurants, shopping, going to theater, etc.). Do the counseling (alone or with him.) Blergh. oh, and the dancing fountains at the Bellagio. My SO has been to more conferences in Vegas than I think anywhere else because of the ease with which hotel rooms can be acquired. (Im also not sure you can un-yoke controlling from its pejorative overtones, given that most of us have plenty of things wed require partners not do and we dont call ourselves controllingits always something somebody else does.). Good luck to you both. Kids are the most common reason for this sort of thing, but other caretaking responsibilities can also lead to spouses being very accountable to each other for their whereabouts. I currently live in a part of London that Ive heard described as a no-go area for those reasons. Honestly I have been to a few conferences in Vegas and I worked so much all I saw was the inside of a conference room or a hotel bed, into which I fell (alone) exhausted every night. Right. Its a lot less horrendous than deglove, whats the issue? Ive felt less safe in a couple of places in my own city. Some women even LIVE in Las Vegas! They might be mad that they're not invited . Im not necessarily that suspicious of the friends. He was so untrusting, I wondered if I had made a huge mistake in marrying him we had only been together for a little over a year before marriage. This is NOT putting a judgement on those activities, but all of them can and do carry a pretty significant risk load (money spent, possible diseases, lost time, etc) and thats why in general, society rates them as vices. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationmobile homes for rent in patterson, la. I build these horrific scenarios in my mind about what supposedly happened. OMG! You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. And there does seem to be a fair amount of misbehavior discussed, but I have never seen any of it. Youre an adult, OP! I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. No. Meaning they side with the wife on this one. Right? Okay. Huh. I wonder if the husband is insecure that the wife is the primary breadwinner and might be subconsciously trying to sab0toge her career. And my husband has two business trips of at least four days each in the next two months and Im rather thrilled. Its actually better that way now for example, its now possible to eat a meal without hearing about keno. Vegas flights and hotels are cheap compared to anywhere else with their size convention/conference space. You deserveit! Arguments are by turns rewarding, arousing (in the physical arousal sense), angering, and anxiety-provoking. But it could be so many other things as well. OP, you should look at this exclusively as a problem your husband has, not a problem with work or the relationship. Your man doesnt have much of an opinion of you, does he? You (both individually and as a family) need your income. When I was growing up, my mom would take a week off in the winter and go on vacation with one or two friends. this makes me IRATE. None which should be affecting your ability to do your job. There are broadly different American subcultures because there are just so many people. Everyone agrees with me and thinks youre unreasonable and crazy. Theres concern, and then theres overreacting. I think the conversation is worth having. He doesnt get to say you cant do anything. Husband and I live three hours away from Vegas. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. We saw a fun show with impersonators of Sinatra, Dean Martin, Cher, etc and fun dancers. I just want to highlight this since some commenters are piling on about the husband being some kind of chauvinist keeping women down. This was pre cell phone so it meant finding payphones. In which case OP should divorce his sorry ass posthaste, because those guys are genuinely dangerous and also do not deserve companionship. At work? Hed get support from his friends and family. I also have a lot of real/not real conversations in my own head. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Sure, its too much if youre super conservative, but then the root of the debate is not Las Vegas itself. Both of us are fairly standard issue normative American. Its a slippery slope when someone starts demanding changes to accommodate their objections to acceptable societal norms. My Husband Wants My Mother- In- Law on The Trip!!! And I dont know whether I asked permission, exactly, to plan some activities on my own this weekend to decompress from a week of solo child care, but I did run it by her she was of course supportive, but sometimes with this kind of planning there are scheduling issues we have to work out. Also it can help having an objective outsider there. When people ask me why, I reply that I dont drink, gamble, or enjoy naked women, so theres little to attract me there aside from some pretty good food, which I can get anywhere. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. But he is controlling. Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. He stresses less when I go somewhere urban. Vegas isnt a magical dimension. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. Whats wrong with disembark? I think whatever LV *was* once, its not anymore. Congratulations. I dont gamble much. I was thinking as I read the description, this sounds like its coming from someone who has never been on a business trip before (and re: the kidnapping, someone whos watched too many movies). Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. It doesnt mean you dont love him, and it doesnt mean either of you are bad people. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. Vegas is changing a lot of its marketing these days to bill itself more as a family destination and/or more sophisticated and all that. I am sitting in my car at the airport catching up on AAM before I get back to life and guess where I came from? One doesnt just spontaneously undo decades of enculturation, on either side, and women are taught that we are *supposed* to accept emotional baggage AND that it is OUR JOB to do the emotional labor of fixing other peoples negative emotional states. Just like someone might look for a spouse who is athletic or smart or has a certain sense of humor or earning power, it might be important that FutureSpouse has the skills to share a household with the in-laws. There are tons of huge conferences that take place there all the time. My dad goes around the world: Spain, Taiwan, Japan and he spends it all on a commercial ship fixing the radar, sonar, ormcomputer. But if all your life experiences back it up, its not until youre faced with a new point of view (i.e., your wife goes on a business trip) that any of these beliefs even come to the surface. The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. There are also lots of cool little museums as well. Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? I have informed him and he hasnt taken it very well. But also, this is pretty clearly a business and financial question. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. I got sent there about a year and a half ago and I was thrilled (and my husband was happy for me). Im reminded of when my flying phobia was at its worst, and I was going to take a flight on Friday the 13th. As Allison said, people travel for work all the time. My own brain is like that. You can even pick up brochures of holiday packages. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over - Scary Mommy And I do like some gambling. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationray florets and disc florets are present in 2022.07.03 . Theres like 1 hour of down time. Though those are also the traditional bogeymen for women out on their own, as evidenced by the many people talking about their mothers fears. I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. They have to want to change. You can find prostitution and gambling in lots of cities, large and small, if youre looking for temptation. OPs husband sounds like my mom. Not everything is family friendly (I.E. He is just jealous that he cant get off work and go with me! Im so glad I made that choice. Counseling perhaps. And as Alison so deftly explained it, the rest is all a matter of trust within the marriage. What helped me was to realize that this is something Im prone to do, recognize it when its happening, and mentally tell myself whats real and whats not real. If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. Get some counseling, dood. You are not alone with this. People watching! I think this is a little parochial, in fact. There are a lot of people on vacation. That much concern/lack of trust that his wife is going to go off and cheat on him because of what city shes in smells like projecting to me. Everyone else said she deserved it! And in really any city, conference facilities are going to be near entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference, because thats the nature of the city. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. my boss told me not to give greeting cards to older men because it could seem sexual, my coworker's husband is texting me and blaming me for their divorce, https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html, my manager and coworker are secretly dating, boss will never give exceeds expectations because he has high standards, and more, update: I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired, stolen sandwiches, disgusting fridges, dish-washing drama: lets talk about office kitchen mayhem, interviewer scolded me for my outfit, job requires an oath of allegiance, and more, update: a DNA test revealed the CEO is my half brother and hes freaking out, my entry-level employee gave me a bunch of off-base criticism.
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