Your Mom needs to go get a job. I was very honest with him about my feelings as well, talking about how upset it makes me that neither of my parents will be around to see me get married, or have children, things like that. I wont even go into the details of how he is doing EVERYTHING for this woman that my mom always wanted him to do and he didnt. My mom passed away in October of 2010 after a six-month battle with lung cancer. When I first heard this from my father I thought there is no way you love her or even did if you are replacing her. My dad does things with his new woman that he never would take the time to do with my mom. I felt completely violated. It seems more like she is having a party instead of respecting my fathers memory. I'm really really close with my dad, so I can't imagine how you're doing right now. He had actually showed some sort of care for her. We were married for 22 years and have many happy memories to keep. I finally told him after going thru everything with him, that I need time and could not go thru her stuff anymore for awhile, until my sister got here. That night was his last, as they all shut down, one by one. This hurt because I have just lost my mom and now Im losing my dad. I am sick of hearing about Its so lonely It is a sad day when a grown person cant entertain themselves. I feel very unwelcome there in fact have been there about three times since they married last sept. the whole situation makes me sick. Hopefully you all got the gist of my situation. They never lived together the occational wknd away or at the cottage and she said she would never sleep in my mothers bed so if she came to spend the night, it was in the spare room. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. Laugh March mom and Dad declared a separation ( Long story short, my 34-year-old big brother a wedge between them). I lost my mother to cancer in November, my father enrolled in one of thoes dating web sites in December. My father was really respectful. I am sorry that you are going through this. Not at all. When I tried to worn him about her, he said she was just a friend. I would make sure to talk about my Sorry for rambling on! He does not listen. After reading all your posts, Id rather never meet her! We all are afraid to be alone, we are human beings, social by nature. 3 years ago he met someone at a doctors office and brought her over one night to introduce us. This dad has did it all for themsorry his 45 year old marriage is overSHE DIED 3 YEARS AGO. I question my Dad, he says it is temporary until she finds a condo to buy. I tried to suppress my feelings after my mother passed away and it fucked me over for 2 years, (cycles of depression and survivor's guilt). She is a horrible woman. It was like he was here to fulfill some sort of obligation or something. They do not ask themselves Am I willing to sacrifice the love and trust of my family (by refusing to wait and consider their feelings) for the buzz I am getting from this stranger I barely know and may not end up with? All bets were off when she was in the house organizing stuff. Dont try to justify it. The situation of being out of control brought me to the edge of anorexia. I only wish that they and others would stop confusing the love and devotion I had for my wife and have to her memory with moving forward and living life. He invited her in. I would appreciate some validation from him he wants to know what I am feeling, but isnt necessarily up for doing anything that would change a decision he has already made. So i have been living in my parents empty house with all the memories of my mother dealing with everything on my own. I would also suggest trying to help your mother get through the day with daily chores. Can you find a friend who will just listen and not judge? Even my Mom told my sister and I she was on her way out of the world, but my Dad had a lot of denial and would not learn or read up on everything so he was in denial until the Doctor talked with my sister and I and we had a meeting , so then after that he got it that she was not coming home. However I was not angry with my mother whenshe start dating. My mom whom was my teammate died suddenly it was most horrible experience of life, Im devastated. And she isn't incapable of doing things for herself! Dad died, my older brother, and i am 26 years old family. Although, I support him having a new life with a new lady friend, but not this soon. I wish you the best through these troubling hours. He may force your behaviour but he cannot force you to accept or like her until such time as you may want to. Chief Distraction Officer was the best role I could play. Please dont ever tell your spouse or children that you dont want them to ever get married again if you die, I dont think that is the right thing to say to anyone. She and my father hid the severity of her initial diagnosis of stage iv for almost the entire illness (until it was undeniable). She just seems like she tries too hard. WowI really feel your pain. I dont want to lose my dad but knowing he seems to be ready to give his family up over a stranger from Belarus, it makes me think seriously about my own life and what I need and who I need in my life to be happy. I wish I could know what my mom would want for me to do because as of now, I really dont know what to do and how to handle this. I will have probably reacted the same way that the children did when you found out that your father or mother could find someone else attractive; I was surprised myself when I felt attracted to someone else a year and half after my husband passed away. Also, I'm not sure how exactly I'm supposed to be feeling, and I'm wondering if maybe I'm not grieving enough because I am trying to be self-sufficient and go on with my life and not be extremely depressed over it all the time. I cant see any woman except my mother as my mother. She is making herself at home. I LOST IT. My sister and I took my father to hospital yesterday for eye check ups and tests and we were there about 7 hours not including travelling. I want to get her out of the house, but she isn't wanting to go anywhere lately. I am finding myself angry with him and frustrated. Im lost!!!! Just send him a link to this webpage. I am so sad because we were so close. He may have moved on and is ready to make sure he has a life partner in his life and home. In my personal situation, my dad announced to me within weeks that he wanted to have an intimate relationship with an old friend of theirs. Ive also been told that my mother didnt like her. We had many excursions and seemed to hit it off generally. Mom put to death at her own request after murdering her 5 kids This story has been shared 97,343 times. I lost my father true enough and I was not ready for my moms friend trying to be my dad. When someone dies, especially a mother, the significant other isnt the only one to suffer a loss, it involves the entire family. A few months later, my first relationship ended and I was very sick for three months with Mono. . But I love him , he is a great man, I know he is not perfect but I know not one of us is perfect but we have to be kind. I nearly lost my breath! I believe that boundaries have to be in place and respected from both sides. For him, its not good enough that we have a nice relationship with her he wants us to be one big, happy, loving family. He has a house here in FL and one in KY,so he felt the need to go to KY to get away for a while. Required fields are marked *. I opened my huge mouth too quickly. I told him I was ok with it. Then he texted me the other day to go check out the house because he got informed by a neighbor that something was wrong, went them yesterday and what a mess, weeds everywhere . I have told him how I feel, and that is all I can do. He makes zero effort to chat when I visit and tells me they both talk to each other all the time. I cant have him without his girlfriend, but it hurts to be around her. Two days later she arrived with baked goods for my dad. He claimed that their marriage had been difficult for about 5 years and that my mother-in-law would treat him very badly when they were home alone. And mind you im her only niece from my mom.She had a spots car she lost. the ex son in law immediately brought a new woman on the scene, he had asked my daughter for a divorce after 28 years of marriage. I put myself into survival mode and protected my children with all the strength and energy I had. How could so much love be so quickly forgotten. Dealing with the same situation , except I have known this lady for many many years, and did not now like her do to some things she did to me, and that she is sneaky, manipulative, and nasty. You're 24 and the youngest of your siblings, so I assume a long time, around thirty years? Too say that I have issues with it would be an understatement. I requested that she be called by her first name. But oddly, I feel like a very bad person and that dating him was something very bad. One of her friends has a special arrangement with her new husband. Which my mom and her friend did say he was not there trying to replace my dad. Probably not how can she afford anything without a job? I have learned to expect nothing and be greatful if something more is given. Then instead of her telling me how she feels, she complains to my Dad, and I get yelled at. I met this wonderful man who I could talk very easily about my feelings of lost of my late husband and he could do the same with me. Not only was he seeing this woman, but he was lying about it until I found out in the worst possible way on Christmas Eve. She thrives on it. done. You have a commitment to your family. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. I feel so much better after reading these posts. I cant pretend to like someone. We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. Within a few weeks after losing my Mom, my father started talking with women online for friendship and companionship. On behalf of the OP, thanks KilgoreTroutIsMyHero. Less than three months after her death my stepfather started seeing this friend who he and my mother had known. I'm just saying it is possible to have that high of a bill. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I am just not comfortable with that nor will I ever be. I know they had this relationship during the marriage. What do you do when the new girlfriend, is very pushy? It helped him to see how someone else is suffering, and keep him on a level of reality that is easy to forget through depression and grief. Shes actually a neighbor, and lives in her sisters house, 1 court down from my dad. To say that the girlfriend is a hot mess would be an understatement. She does housework and I do shopping etc. I was speechless. I will always love him and be there for him, but I dont know him and to be honest, I feel like I lost both parents when my mom died. Typed on my phone, dang you autocorrect! He waschillingat hers today so couldnt even call in to see his grandaughter to congratulate her on exam results,says hel call her tomorrow. The most of my dad mine lost for just died, really dependent. So ever since this happened Ive been cordial but I dont accept her. The answers are NO. I mean moms been gone for 5 months now and I have to meet the new misses? What is hard for him is that his father wants him to accept this so soon- wants to bring her over to watch our kids and have dinner together. This has been going on for almost 2 yrs. Your email address will not be published. So I let go of needing care to look a certain way in our relationship. Now, almost 4 months later they are still together. It was profoundly lonely and its not just the loss of intimicy, its more then that. I would like for someone to tell me when its ok to date after a spouse dealth. From being a very close knit family to being estranged is quite something. Well, about 5 months ago he started dating a woman who he met from one of my moms bests friends. She has always identified as the caregiver and may never be ready to give up that role. It may not have been a perfect life or relationship, but it was better than this. Not only that, even if things got better between her and I, I would feel like a traitor to my own mother. I dont think he was very tactful when he delivered the news of our engagement to them, and I dont think that they expected that he was going to propose after 2 1/2 years, why not? It's very helpful to meet other people with similar, and maybe even worse circumstances than your own. I just want to thank everyone for their postings. He basically just uses his and my moms house to sleep in. . That night she came to our house from the accident scene and never left. Me and my sibling have tried to talk to him, but to no avail, its all about him!!! If my husband were to do the same, the thought of it makes me very sad. The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. Anyway my dad has been staying over at her house for probably over a year now. Dont get me wrong. He has chosen her over me and Im in straight hell constantly being reminded of my moms death as she is living much better in my house with her nose in the sky and always wnjoying when me and dad fight cuz of her. He hasnt known this woman very long. However, this has been very tough on my kids. I told him I wasnt ready to meet her so he set it up that when I came to visit him last night in the hospital she was there. Im dealing with this right now and still havent confronted my dad about how upset I am by all of this. Bachelor and constantly discuss these women he is talking to, showing us their pictures they have sent him on his smart phone, and even dropping vague hints that he has met up with some of them while traveling for work. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. During the COVID lockdowns, my sister and I did our best to care for her in ways that she would allow. Because, even though my Father-in-law needed someone in his life, someone that made something spark again, and even though shes there to take care of him and take him on the trips hed planned on doing with his wife, my husband and his siblings lost their mother. The way her throat was moving up and down struggling for air. She is a horrible stupid butt who my dad even called psycho the other day yet continues to torment me with putting her shit all around my mothers moms house who of course both are dead. My dad went online 7 months after my mom passed away and met someone. I tell you this because it may not be a mail order bride situation but it is true to say that lots of folk would want to move to the U.S.So in answer to your question What kind of woman would fly to the U.S-Many Brits would! has taken our frustration to a new level. He would not let us grieve in our time. My father is volatile and a bully and so guiltily I became relieved when she was about as he did not treat me so badly. Surround yourself with a solid community, and find people who will talk you through this kind of stuff, or willing to just talk about the utterly mundane. Back in July my Dad and his girlfriend got married and moved in together. The problem is most likely with yourselfit almost always is, you know. She is also my age (53). Well, Im happy to have found this forum even though there are old entries on here, i hope maybe one person will read my experience. It was a shock!! We see her 6 kids, 40 grandkids, ex-daughter-in-laws & all kinds of rif-raf coming & going & trashing Dads house. I dont believe that they only developed feelings after my moms death. He ignores his kids and grandkids for the most part and seems so involved in himself to take out true, quality time for us. Havent really been able to talk to anybody except for my significant other. It didnt end there. Why is running her kids than megan! may take time to adjust to a new woman in their dads life. The sad realization that I have made is that my dad may have always been a follower. Sharing time together helps us during our grieving period. Maybe over time our feelings will change. As someone stated below, I too feel as if it is never going to get better. Ive tried ignoring it and being the bigger person always doing her dishes, then she starts moving in more on my house putting her mark everywhere and being home all day in my grandma house. My dad dropped the issue. She wants to do this even before the estate is settled. My understanding of caring has broadened over the last year with this pandemic. I try to be cordial because I want to stay in my grandbabies life. I honestly did not know that after the funeral and her burial that I could ever feel so much pain inside again. I was 21. My brother did not attend them either. So basically I cant talk to him at all except shallow, general chit chat type of conversation. I understand that my father needs companionship, but I do not feel that it would be too insensitive to ask him to please wait just a bit longer, even a few weeks longer- so that we can at least get used to the idea. Who smiles in a DUI mugshot? Whatever it may be, it will do nothing but hold you back from opportunities and moving forward in life. Its so nice knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing, and that Im not alone. Her words to me: your Dad is with me and my family now, your gonna lose your Dad, hes going to pick me over you and at my daughters wedding Im dancing with your Dad, you cant. Dad and I always had a great relationship, lunch, golf, fishing, talks on the phone. The new year came by and I finally excepted that my parents were going there own direction. By letting go, you are taking control of your life rather than letting your emotions control you. We took care of our spouses at home, tube feeding, hospice, hospital visits, radiation therapy and chemotherapies. After my mother died seven years ago at 84, my father didnt want to live in their house alone. He was the best father and husband I could ask for. He hopefully loves his parents awful fights and don't become too quickly changed. When you meet alone, you should tell him how you feel excluded from his life & how hurt and sad you are. My Mother died when I was 13 after a long, long illness. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. My sister feels the relationship started way before we found out about it. Im pretty sure she heard my Dad say something and misconstrued it. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were I could never look myself in the mirror and feel good about it as a woman, a mother or person. I dont think I will ever understand any man. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. My mother passed away 10 years ago when I was six months pregnant with my first daughter. Some of you expressed concern about the relationships being too soon, and I agree with some of you, but especially men that depended completely n their wives, have been married for a long time dont want to be alone. For any, and all, of the above reasons. When my father finally broke up with this woman, we begun to work on talking again slowly.He then began dating another woman, who I am not completely comfortable with but have learned after experiencing the loss of my spouse in 2008, that what my father said about loving my mother no matter what and that even though he choose to date again he would love my mother no matter what and would do anything to be with her again. He didnt tell any of us- he just did it. I didnt know any of this until he left. Just more pain, more hurt, more sadnessI only hope I would never cause anyone the pain that this has caused me and my family. They visit for birthdays and events. He is clearly uncomfortable talking about any grief that he is feeling now but says, talking with women online makes him feel better. Not fair to the other person. The day that I had to meet my fathers new girlfriend. We took it very hard, to say the least. When I asked if they were planning to marry I was told it was none of my business. He would start giving stuff away, etc. We were really close to our dad, so obviously his loss is really hard on us, but I keep reminding myself that my dad wouldn't want us to be upset over his death and he would want us to move on and live our lives. 2 nights later, dad wasnt home and I asked my uncle where he was and I was told that (girlfriend) hit some poor 18-year-old on his bike and killed him and dad was going to be the go between with the police-to save her ass basically. Hell take a day off from her here and there because of our special request. Cheap internet dating aside. The issue is that I cant spend time with him without his girlfriend and the baby hovering around too. Did my father support my sister? Thats when I started really being suspicious of her. They are not together because hes too proud to say hes lonely and she doesnt want her freedom to go out curtailed by someone who is not as fast and agile as he once was. You have every right to have your own place! Like he didnt really want to be here. In the summer, they went on an extended vacation. I noticed that the hutch with glasses and mementoes (another place my dad never looked at) was emptied. From her arrival on the scene we were told like you were, that no issues we had counted at all and it was non-negotiable. 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. It was as though this terrible thing happened and now nothing could be right. I found her to be disrespectful & a very good liar. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo. Your choices are agonising ones. I am not even over grieving the loss of my mother and I feel I have to be the strong one and accept this new faze in my life. I believe in family values. My wife was taken away from me well before February of this year. He talked about how she was the kind of person that back in the day he would normally rip her clothes off. Ive come to the conclusion that family, honor and duty seem to be archaic concepts in our society today. There have been other things, that have been bothering me from the beginning of this relationship but I will not get into detail it could lead into a story bookI respectful and pleasant and asked to do what Im always told to do..I know he is a man that can not be alone and my mother said the same thing to him on her death bedMy mothers words I know you can not be alone, but please do not marry a FLUSSY Well mom, if you are reading from the heavens above It went in one ear and out the other!! That's what people do when they start their own families. A good woman would honor her husbands relationships with his family to ensure his happiness. My dad does not spend Christmas or Christmas Eve with his family. I find myself totally devastated over this but because I love him very much & understand his loneliness, I now stay silent in how I truly feel. I asked where is this all coming from he says he has the need for speed. Mother died quite young age at kyle field. We try to maintain as civil a relationship with him as possible we all live several hours from my dad and have learned to avoid certain conversation topics with my dad because theyll result in huge fights. But turns out that my father wasnt receiving any of my text messages. How to sew my own clothes? I dont want him to make a huge mistake. I feel at this point that my dad died too. The time to have conversations like this is before anybody dies. My mom wanted to make sure to pass some of why her mother passed on to us, her kids. She visits or picks him up if it suits her. . NTA. Our 5 kids (ages 20, 21, 22, 23 and 25) have embraced this new life of ours with open arms. My momma lost a long battle with lung cancer, and her death hit me the hardest in the family. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Its for my dads sake. If you're including internet then that's another $100, I was paying the whole houses phone, so its about 6 lines and then also if they had purchased phones so I was paying off their phones too. From the beginning, Ellen and her mother who was still alive at the time were very pushy with me in terms of trying to establish a relationship that I just simply was not ready for as it was too soon and I had not had time to grieve my Mom. We may earn commission from the links on this page. It is important to not let these times destroy you or define you, but rather, to help you to grow. and he needs to be aware of that. Blessings. Boy was she right. my mother had a dying wish for her ashes to be dispersed of in a specific manor and there was a plan to do this but now it has changed and i belive its because of new plans my father has made with his new girlfriend. I felt, and still feel, as though I am left in charge of making sure he's okay. You can continue to struggle against the choice your father has made, or you can seek ways to help yourself accept this new situation. It was and is possible for British people to buy houses in Florida and rent them out through an agency. So, I told him that were no longer a part of each others lives. Trebalo bi da konsultujete svog lekara pre poetka primene bilo kog preparata, kao i da ga obavestite ukoliko neki preparat ve koristite.