Is this Twilight, for Gods sake? Men get a say in abortions? Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. April 9, 2012, 3:49 pm. Well be together forever no matter what. is thrown around just to get in some dumb girls pants just as often as I wont get pregnant. is thrown around to trap ignorant dumbasses. And water. If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? And John, be real for a moment, and honestly tell me you jump in on a number of issues here and not to just defend your brethren who you perceive to be under attack. Having the foresight to step out early doesnt make him an asshole. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. You say it takes two to make a baby but somehow its only the man that gets labeled an irresponsible dick. Im sorry, but sex creates children. I think that one should be able to decide if one is ready to be a parent and, if not, make that clear when there is time to abort the pregnancy. He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didnt think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes hed run after me. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. Its just biological fact- unfair probably, but not something we can change. Government will go after him for either Medical Support and/or Child Support. And this is the problem with having sex in a non-monogamous relationship and not fully protecting yourself. But its her body Well, department of labor clearly shows that statistically a man in a low-paying job is far more likely to die in a workplace accident over the course of 18 years than a woman over a normal pregnancy. Fyrebyrd2 Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. he said this is not gonna ruin us, ReginaRey I-RIGHT-I Its a double standard. Bless This Mess. Notwithstanding the fact that birth control sometimes fails, hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. If you loved him, you wouldn't toss the relationship. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. Painted_lady Not your body, not your choice. Gain some maturity and realize that you have no part in this decision, shes decided to keep the baby, shes the one who will be carrying the baby, raising the baby, etc Grow up LW and dump him. As a woman, you have control over that. I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. It will have feelings too. Maybe that outrage will be the catalyst for you to start a political career in order to change these laws that you feel are so unfair. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. Steve Kellmeyer April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. It means he or she will know their father, in a sense, and will also have the opportunity to believe that their father just simply didnt want to have anything to do with them. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. datechguy Oh, really? Malarky. So deal with that. Yes, its shitty. Iwannatalktosampson Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. She deserves to be treated as cheap and unwanted but he doesnt deserve to skate free. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . This is not unlike telling women that they cannot have an abortion in that it forces parenthood when it neednt be forced. It will never be equal. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. bittergaymark Ever. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. Boy, for someone who cant live without you, he sure didnt wait to go out and sleep with someone else! My hand has never been comfortable in cooler weather ever since.. At a minimum LW needs to take a wait and see attitude. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. And how do you know you wouldnt do the same thing she is? Ive heard of stuff like this from friends of mine, where theyve been in relationships and their BF finds out his ex got pregnant and blah blah blah so take it as you will, I guess. You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. So your boyfriend said he doesnt want anything to do with his own child (besides the child support) and you didnt run screaming the other way? silver_dragon_girl But biology puts the woman in the drivers seat once conception results. If you were thinking about breaking up with herthe pregnancy might be a trap. But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. You want some advice? Especially if ever precaution was taken (birth control, condoms, etc.). You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. lets_be_honest The more you fight for another womans man, the more desperate you look. That isnt misogyny. I dont see why this issue is any different. Before getting back together with your ex, maybe you should consider strongly whether or not you want to be with the kind of person whos angry that someone didnt abort in order to alleviate HIM of responsibility. Even if she was lying about being on birth control. 6napkinburger He could have also said he wants the baby, and the LW is lying. Her body, her choice, he had NOTHING to do with it. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? LADIES he could stand her. My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. So the law says, hey, you two created this child, you two are responsible for supporting it. A scumbag? April 10, 2012, 6:21 pm, And yet men still keep having sex with us. evanscr05 And whether you think its fair or not that the woman gets the final say on whether to abort or not and the father has to live with that decision, it doesnt matter. Its 100% ok if you cant or dont want to be in that situation. Shed be less of a real woman if she left the kid on its fathers doorstep and went off footloose and fancy-free while he was left to raise it all alone. And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. is significantly higher than the risk of contracting HIV, which is actually not all that contagious. Dont care to be properly identified? ha, Ive done too many drugs too. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. I mean every word! SpaceySteph He didnt expect that to happen. The NBA star is reportedly expecting his third child with personal trainer Maralee Nichols, per The Daily Mail. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. So just ignore them, thats what I do. Men cant choose to abort because biology dictates that the fetus is not in their body. -Is furious with her for keeping her baby 2. April 9, 2012, 11:54 am. Well, the law is schizophrenic. Cant say Id give one to a stranger but intercourse with a stranger isnt my cup of tea either. I weep for the younger folks out there. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. Theyve both made their choice. Francine SpaceySteph That goes for women as well. I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on. But it doesnt matter what you think of her or her decision to carry your boyfriends baby. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. If the person who carried the child to term (woman) wants to turn the kid over to adoptive parents to care for it, then the responsibilitys on them. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. reader, lisa4mark+, writes (15 May 2008): A It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? Now Im confused. Its a good word. The dude having sex is not my issue. Im surprised that you guys dont recognize Chuck. If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. And what few you do procreate will become part of the growing criminal element, as they have no strong father-figure to teach them how to be part of successful society. )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. April 10, 2012, 5:55 pm, Heterophobe, hmmm, thats new one. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. They are all pointing out that the bf is equally responsible for the childs existence and should respect her right to choose.Not only that but they advise the LW to consider her bf role in this drama and not take her anger out on the pregnant woman (who owes her nothing), John Rohan People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. lets_be_honest I agree people who are dysfunctional should not stay together for the sake of the kid it will just make things worse. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. Unwanted or not, they are innocent in this whole mess that your boyfriend and his whatever-she-is created. They are babies. 5. him: I would prefer if you had an abortion. Stuff like this really grinds my gears. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. Susie is pregnant with Jimmys child. I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. Sigh. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. Bless her heart. But then again the child might be better off without such an jerk as a role model. Nothing. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. April 9, 2012, 2:54 pm. They should act responsibly. It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. I wish there was some way he could have prevented himself from ejaculating into a woman if only there was some way he could have arranged that some way for him to have control over his reproductive material or the choice of woman or the choice to ejaculate at all if only the poor man no choice in the matter AT ALL Then the unlikely happens. I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. , CatsMeow I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. However, RR, Ill assume that every time youve ever had sex, it has been with someone you wanted in your like as a co-parent and that it was at a time in your life that a child would have been welcomed. In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. Its the law. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Sure, lots of people take those chances. But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. Take this as a lesson learned. But it also tries to say that the man had a part in creating the child. Birth control isnt full-proof. Has a great job. Im really astounded that you would say something so flippant like women can get support for 20+ years, as if its nothing! But let me make a few suggestions Steve. You should be furious with him and dump his ass! Three babies? It only says he asked her to. Just sayin. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. How quickly (or slowly) he got into a new relationship after your breakup. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. Risk reduction is not relevant, because the risk never goes to 0%. Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. Unless youve been there, you dont know. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. So he literally now has to reap what he sows as the consequences of his actions. No. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. I think this guy is a jerk not because he had sex with someone else when he was single, but because he is taking no responsibility for a life he created. lets_be_honest He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. Both of those things cant be true, LW. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. 1. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). If the woman wants to have a child, then she can, but thats a decision she makes because its happening in her own body. A douchenozzle? The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. TOTALLY USING THAT. A Happy Life I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. While I stand by my statements about this woman being a total idiot, etc., and the fact that I dont think anyone was calling him scum for having sex with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend, I will say that I agree with the idea that its unfair for guys that they have no say in keeping or aborting but will be on the hook for child support even if they wanted the mother to have an abortion. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. Man is in quotes becuase no man abandons a woman that he impregnates. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. If this happens, he STILL should not be welcomed back. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. April 10, 2012, 10:28 am. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. It was a vague post on my part Made even more confusing by the fact that _jsw_ was posting at roughly the same time and then his posted first. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. And that isnt fair either. And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. We dont even know that this other woman told the bf that she is pregnant. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. Terminating his Parental Rights just means he has no say in childs education, no visitaton, etc. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. And Im also not passing judgements on him based on my preconceived notions about how the conversations went down. I have never heard anybody going through an unwanted pregnancy say they didnt take care. This surprises you? There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) Tell you what sunshine I promise that when men carry the children you all can decide about terminating the pregnancy too irrespective of your partners wants then we will have that equality you want so bad. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. This is the set up for some serious melodrama. It is actually quite easy. I think theyre unfair in the same way that I feel its unfair to prevent women from having abortions, but thatss beside the point. How does your law see that both get what they want? No worries. I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. That woman, Kaihla Rettinger, gave birth to the model-turned-Midtown South cop's son on Nov. 5, Radar reported three days after McLoughlin, 27, met Lambert, 35, while she was performing on . You, Chuck, seem to think that this means that all women do that. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have.. female There was a reason for that. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. If the other woman decides to have the baby, her now boyfriend will be liable for child support, which will significantly impact his finances (and their finances if they marry for the next 18 years. Hes made a choice. Jimmy and Susie are in love. John Rohan Dont push him to be with this woman. I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. A month after the abortion, while I waited for my luggage at the baggage claim, three babies surrounded me, all under a year. I cant help but think just as she has a choice to abort, keep or put up for adoption, he too has a choice and while not admirable, it may be for the best. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Steve Kellmeyer IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) Have whatever sex you want. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? And why do you think shes trying to trap him? Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. Wow..two mintueswhen did he realize he couldnt stand her before or after the two minutes? Wheww. Two are very small, less than six months. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? A kid is not a building. Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. I wouldnt. I just dont see why thats ok but its not ok for the guy to essentially do the same thing but then have to pay. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. let us know if he had). You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. iseeshiny Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. ], Chuck Pelto I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? The fact that he doesnt means hes no good for either of you. The fact the option to abort or not is a womans right is no secret. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child.
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